30.4.09 | 11:42:00 PM

Company Dinner was awesome.
But, I cannot enjoy much as Im down with very bad appetite and feel very nauseous this couple of days. Had gastric pain too as Im too busy with work, running errands for everyone.
haiz, If I have an empty stomach, I will start to have acute gastric pains. But if I eat (for e.g. A slice of white bread), I will feel super bloated.
Hopefully its not stomach flu or an ulcer again.

& the number of kids in Playgroup 1 is depleting day by day.
Today only 4 turn up. and suprisingly, yangyang is back! supposingly, he staying half day. But haha! I help to look after them for a while before fetching my BASC kids from school.
Yangyang came to me and sit on my lap suddenly. Chat with him abit and suddenly he fell asleep.(:
so cute.

Wonder.
PMS mode.

29.4.09 | 10:07:00 PM

Yay! tmr is the thursday(:
Company dinner Yumyum!
hopefully, my Before-After-School-Care (BASC) kids behave.
if not, they'll die.

and since the recent outbreak of swine flu, there's been sudden cases of diarrhea and vomit from my Playgroup class. Oh mans, hopefully they'll recover soon.

and, yeah, i'll w...

26.4.09 | 9:06:00 PM

Alhamdulillah, Maulidurasul @ Masjid Darul Aman was great~
This year not much people so kinda easy job for us. well, too easy.
And, what totally rocks is, I went into Hafsyah Room with Mum and we saw the Ustaz that had given my name "mawaddah".

Virtuous Affection.(:

25.4.09 | 11:13:00 PM

hope things seems clearly for me and you.
im tired, really.
i didnt realise that it does affected me so much. i tried to go on with life.
but, it just dampen my moods out of sudden.
until something occur. even they've said, i looked worn out under the layer of makeup.
Lachrymose.

23.4.09 | 10:02:00 PM

SubhanAllah.(:
I want another moment like this, again.

| 9:33:00 PM

im addicted to Ust Akhil Hayy's dzikrullah.
its soothing and yeah, realizing reality.
& tears can flow with repentence.
Ya Allah, I seek strength in You.

22.4.09 | 10:36:00 PM

okay. i really need exact amount of sleep daily.
Sis complains that ive been spouting nonsense in my sleep.

First time; slept from 8pm till 6am
"GO TO SLEEP" i said. haha!

Second time; slept from 1am till 6pm
& world record(the longest spouting moments)
"....I Cut your hand then you know.~!"

hahaha.
perhaps, i sayang my kids too much.(:

21.4.09 | 10:15:00 PM

Today had meeting. but I dint go and i was left with 11 kids, & 2 SUPER naughty woke up.
Everyting was okay until, Rina came in and say the 'good' news. >.<

Next Thurs all teachers COMPULSORY must go for dinner treat by Michelle(Boss).
THEN after that go Karaoke.
Before she can continue, i ask, 'Principal idea rite?'
haha! confirm plus CHOP one. the other time got holiday say go swimming. aiyoyo.

Die la! must find reasons for not going already..

| 9:16:00 PM

Sometimes I do wonder,
How my parents handled me since young.
As in, disciplining wise.

I seriously have a hard time handling some of the kids as they are too small and wont be able to understand whatever i say.

sometimes when i scold or give them the stern look, they will just repeat after me. For example if i say, "Don't beat your friends, understand?"
and Ryan, will confirm reply. "Stand?" or if i make some faces, they will copy.
And at times. i feel like making them do pumping position. but too bad, they are 2 years old XD haha.

Handling them made me reminisce how my parents have to grow all the four of us with different2 characters. Guilty2 haha! well, im neither close to mum nor dad. so want to manja2 also forget it. well, the only way to learn from my mistakes is to bring up my kids myself. cant rely on my parents too much although i know mum confirm will be very attached to children. haha! its in the blood.

ohwells. i seriously cannot remember my childhood. other than 2 things;

I love reciting Quran alot. duno why also.

& i was labeled as a tomboy..

well i admit i was agressive kind and i love super short hairs. haha!

but now, im not(:

During the weekends, while i was doing some drawing and colouring, my dad talked to me.(:
'Dila macam ni macam masa kecik2 dulu." Oops translate2.
'Hey, You reminded me of when you were young."
And my reaction was, 'aper saje!(crossed eye)' althou deep inside it does touch me.
well, he has been one who have been there to train me in reciting whenever i have competitions. And i still remeber how he looked & smiled at me when he dropped by Ar-Raudhah Mosque after Zuhur Prayers as i was in kindergarten then. he knows when things go wrong in my life, he wants me to be independent but always remind me of Allah. He trusted me alot that Ive somehow misused it. And he knows that Ive got instincts/'sixthsense' that is reliable. haha!

When I was young, I sometimes envy my friends who is able to hugged and express their love by saying I love You to their parents. But i cant. Im drawn far2 away since young. I dunoe why, but i just cant. But, when last two years hari raya, Mum suddenly hugged me, i teared.. haha! duno why also. now ive realise i should overcome it. And everyday i teach my kids to say i love you, mummy/Daddy.


All praise to Allah, for the strength and my family that I have till today.(:

20.4.09 | 9:14:00 PM

My monday started off on the right note, alhamdulillah(:

started work earlier than usual. & yeah, love it more than before(:

ohwells, im quite delighted that Xin En is starting to talk!

shes uber cute.

hahaha! i just ask her to say thank you, she said, "Xie Xie~"

haha translator.

and her please was "Plea~"

hahaha. then whenever i ask, Mummy where?

then she pointed to me. haha! comel sungguh.(:

no doubt, she reminds me of me when i was young haha!

& im pissed with 2nd Bro.

VERY! I seriously hate people who keep replacing their stuff although its still in perfect working condition. Its mobile phone that im ranting about.

He's seriously wasting money upgrading to new phones. Furthermore, he's going NS this june. just go use your non-camera la. want waste mum $$ for what.

Sis & I have yet to get new phones although her's missing and mine, gone case.

What's worst is, he gets everything that he wants. still pampered as ever. haiz.. He should reli learn the hard way of earning things. For me, when mum want buy things, i will set my condition on my own accord or even save up.

Nvm, he's adik what. Kakak should set good example aite~ Apa case onlyla bro.

Ohyeah! cant wait for Friday dinner with colleagues @ Ramen Ten.

Its sungguh sedap there haha(:

Alrites!~ im gonna turn in early2.(:

nites people.(:

19.4.09 | 12:52:00 AM

Cartoon.(:

18.4.09 | 12:10:00 AM

Helios~
yay! finally after a week?
oh well, ive been down with veryvery terrible illness this week.
haha sound so serious XD
but nah, im PERFECTLY ALRIGHT now~ alhamdulillah(:

and, after my leave, I just realise that they are just my strength.
IM in love with them! haha~
they never fail to make me smile and laugh daily despite being very mischievious.
which is very incrediblous i should say. NEVERtheless, they're still cute.(:

haha. and i realise that my malay not good already.. haha!
so used to teach them and converse in chinese and english.
haha! im DESPERATELY in need of inspiration now haha! well, now must KEEP MYSELF OCCUPIED with classroom decos, lesson/activity plans, birthday charts & day/date chart.

and i just love eating desserts with other teachers plus laughing session of course haha,
I also love staying very late at work just to see one by one of the kids going home and when they give hugs to us, teachers plus the soothing scenery of the perfect BLUE sky, thats when I will feel the contentment and satisfaction that I never feel before.

i need one month.

12.4.09 | 8:39:00 PM

Wish you were here.❤

| 3:15:00 AM

its 3.15am yet im still wide awake.
i do feel tired.
but, i just dont know why, & why & why.

my brain's just running wild to every single possibilities.
& i hear whispers telling me negative things which i might consider.

browsing through the pictures gave me a weird feeling.
ive never felt like this before.

& whenever i tried to close my eyes, images of you appeared.
perhaps, im just afraid what will happen if my sleep would be endless.

indeed, game over.

| 1:03:00 AM

ticktockticktockticktock..
BOM!

您想要进入我的生活
但您害怕控制
我是混淆
不管什么发生
我仍然爱您

10.4.09 | 1:31:00 PM

I LOVE THEM.❤

9.4.09 | 12:11:00 AM

im dead beat!
today worked with Teacher Rina till 10 pm.
Centre was kinda scary..
but, still we've done our stuffs~
put up alot of artistic work done by me XD (haha so prasan).
o wells, i cannot draw well all the time.
if got the mood then can hahah!
& whenever i draw funnily, i would either say;

a) aiyar, the kids duno la!.
b) its kids work okay (copy Principal) hahaha!

but so far thank god, its nice.(:
&&& Yang laoshi and Teacher Rina, is seriously trying to be funny.
since i never voice out and endured with someone's attitude,
both KP to principal about someone, say she bully me.
haha! and great enough, confirm i kena XD ahaha!

nvmnvm. patience2
oh yeah~ no work for two days!
i wanna go ZOO & tmr girls' day out (:

7.4.09 | 10:00:00 PM

When will I start to learn how to be selfish?
If I am able to do anything for them, how about doing it for myself?

I am seriously in doubt.
Mum said, if i dont like, just leave.
But, I pity Yang. What if shes being pushed around just like me?

However, I cannot stand people who dont have empathy for the less fortunate/disabled.
Or worse, pushing blames to Assistant teachers. Crap.
Oh Allah. HELP!

Should I leave or not?

now, im in need of strength.

6.4.09 | 9:44:00 PM

As the moon shine,
Im wondering if you are doing fine.
I just cant help but to reminisce,
All the memories seems perfectly nice.

Its very obvious when you were lying,
But, I played on and just keep believing.
Bcos I know you have your own reasons,
And have to make your own decisions.

I do feel regretful,
For acting like a fool.
Its my mistake, Im sorry.
I just wished I can stop to worry.

Its hard for me to let go of fondest memories,
Especially when we had together gone through this.
If only things remain as it is,
I wouldn't be questioning myself, what causes this?

If you were the one for me,
I should be waiting patiently.
But my other half,
Is trying to stop me.

I missed you,
I really, really do.
4as, lets start all over,
Will You?

| 9:42:00 PM

Okay i GAVE UP!

how irony, I love my job but im quitting.
oh wells, im just too tired to type everything out.
i feel like using words which i long time never use before.
*control~**control~*

Good deed = Bad impression.
!@#$%^&*()_!@#$%^&*()~~~~~

5.4.09 | 3:38:00 PM

Just Friends?

You say that I'm perfect for you,
But we're just friends;
Can I feel the same?
Well I think it depends.

Can I quit breathing fast,
Each time you appear?
Will my heart stop its pounding?
Whenever you're near?

I'd like to feel nothing,
And get rid of the thrill.
I wish I'd stop loving you,
But I don't think I will.

By Joanna Fuchs.

| 1:13:00 PM

IM BORED!
haiz. class deco and arrangement have yet to be done.
anyways, im starting to love my job XD
esp, when last friday, 5 teachers gathered and gossiped. haha
not bad ey? first time i see. i cant help but to be included haha! esp when they rant in chinese and i need to become the translator lol.
One of the china teacher, very cute le! haha. she was too angry that made her talk too loud & alot kids wake up. haha. we should have more of this chit chatting sessions in the future to relieve stress after a week long of tolerating kids tantrums haha!

but no matter how naughty they are, i still love them (:

My daughter (Keighley) Bf! haha.

There was once he slapped me right after i scolded Keighley for pouring a pail of turtle out.

He's very cute! haha

Look at Ryan XD haha

Us; without Teacher Rina, Keighley, Weizong, Yiyang, Shantell, Yuxiang, Matteo, Rayn & Shon

3.4.09 | 11:23:00 PM

perasaan kerisauan yang tidak di undang.
entah mengapa?

| 12:57:00 AM

Alden; my BASC kid.

okay, i should say he reminds me of someone XD

Rayn; " I luff u teacher faadeella"

ahhaha XD

Keighley; always stuck with me. haha they call her my daughter XD.

she's uber smart and she said "cheese" when she take this (:

& she said I LOVE YOU like this hahaha!

Xin En; she reminds me of.. ME hahaha!

Matteo; French boy.(:

his mum can speak chinese fluently.

& went out with bestie to Popeye's.

i like her hair! haha! (: mushroom~

hanging on.

counting endless sheeps.

im trying my very best to understand.

but the waters just keep flowing.

i wonder why..